I've been playing around with my jazzmutant lemur like a child here lately.  It's colors are beautiful and the possibilities are truly limitless.  I've been using a thing called granular synthesis using max and what I do is throw my audio files, well my little idea loops from reason and throw them into this and it twists the sound around and creates something new and beautiful.  It reminds me of my old ideas that I used to have a few years ago.  I lost hold of who I was for a while, through relationships and such, but now that I am digging up those old and ambitious ideas, I can craft together those ideas in an up to date way using what I know now and using the tools I have acquired.

On a separate note I would like to say a couple of things before I continue anything else.  I have to let this out.  I know you know what I am about to say and I know you will read this so I am going to be careful of what I say about all of this.
I was in your position six months ago, being with someone who used my company and resources and heart.  I cannot say that I went to great lengths that you did to try to acquire a certain kind of love for you that I just did not possess inside.  I will say that you did care for me greatly (for selfish and unselfish reasons alike), and you did good at fooling me.  Beyond doing a good job of fooling me, I still noticed something you seemed you never wanted to admit to yourself.  Beyond your surface life, you showed me your raw potential at being honest to yourself and I saw what was inside you that no one else got to see.  I know that it didn't turn out well for you and I, for good reason (which you know) but don't let that stop you from conquering everything you dreamed of conquering.  I know you wanted me in the picture, but let me tell you, I wanted a lot of people in the picture, but I do not have that today.  Since we've stopped talking, I have been through hell with relationships.  Had my heart broken four different times (ha once by you, but not by you if you know what I mean).  I know how that feels, but I also know that you tried harder than I on one individual person, and for that I say I am sorry.  Sorry for letting you drown like you did because of my ignorance.  It is time for you to resurface and get back the honor you deserve for yourself so you can help people conquer their past.  You know me well, better than most people, even though we don't talk anymore; people do not change much.  I have a past to, but I do things to beat that in the ground.  I make music that releases something inside of me and lets me know that I now have room to do the things I was meant to do.  We have a dark side...you and I.  We are showing that, well me anyways.  My advice to you is this.  No matter what you are, we are all the same.  Let it out.  Be free.  If people hate you for it, then they were never meant to love you.  You will wade through these people my friend and you will find that group that you have been looking for and dreaming about.  It's hard, but not impossible.