This pain is real, atleast something is real

and you my dear are real

If I could then I would...take back 2 months of my life in exchange for a life I could have had, might still have...I want you more than anything in this world...If I could just start again, I wouldn't waste one second of being with you. It hurts, always has for me, there's still hope, but the thought of not getting you kills a part of me.

The past 3 day of my life were the slowest I have recalled in years. I have found the secret to traveling finally…no agenda? Seems like having no agenda would produce a bad outcome, maybe so, but the adventuring is more abundant. With a new experience behind me, and more to come, I am left wondering a couple things. First I have gained confidence in moving out to LA, which is my goal, especially with all that I have to bring forth to an audience. Second I realize the chaos of this life and how amazing and beautiful wonder can be. We drove first to Charlotte NC, not realizing that the theme park we were supposed to go to would be closed for the week. When we realized this we headed 5 hours away to the beach, Carolina Beach to be exact. I went with 2 people I didn’t know very well but after the trip I feel as if I have known them forever, which is awesome. The girl on the trip is Knicky, which I found her first name is Andrea. It’s funny how secret a crush can be especially unnoticeable when you hide it well, although I’m not sure if it was well hidden. I’m not sure if she realizes this and don’t know if someone will read this, but if you read this Knicky, know that it’s difficult for me to tell you how I feel because I don’t want you to not feel that way and then me tell you and ruin a friendship by awkwardness, so I am very scared this will be the case and I have developed a strong liking for you. I am very cautious because if we just stay friends I don’t want to want something you don’t because that will crush me, so I hope so much that you feel the same for me. I can’t just come out and ask because I feel stupid like you would say you don’t feel the same and that would hurt really bad, but for now I’m hoping you read this. I hate not being able to say exactly what’s on my mind at times, but for the past 3 days, if I would have spoken my mind, you would have realized how amazing I think you are and how beautiful you are to me. I don’t want you to think I am a sarcastic idiot, cause I was only just excited, but at heart I am a deeply loving human being that only wants to give you the world as your playground and let me play with you on it. I have wanted to find someone like you for a long time, and now that I have found someone, I don’t quite know how to handle my feelings or if they will even be mutual. I’m always hoping, I hope this time my hopes come true and stay for good. A change would be nice just as an environmental change was amazing for the past 3 days. Please make my hopes come true, I’ve been patient and don’t know how long I must suffer. You created something in me that won’t go away, I hope I have created the same for you.

As spring shows its face once again and a new season rolls over, a thought pops into my mind like a cotton cloud popping into bright blue sky. Here I am with my dreams in hand ready to be sprawled into the world with confusion and capability. I am one man and one man alone that cannot do this alone. Where's the help, where's my team. For now I only have myself to work on this task. I feel like I need to get out of here, out of my bubble. I feel like my music will make a difference, I know it will. If only I could find a way to present it among people in a way that will heal and be different. I know that if I had a crowd in my palm I could deliver. My crowd awaits just as the flower awaits the rain, it's only a matter of helping someone realize I am out there ready to show them what life is, what life should be, what life feels like in the mind of Daniel Jones. I'm dying to present, in a matter of time my life will be a presentation of all sorts of color.

As the dust settles, I am once again reminded of the inconveniences people can put on a human. For now I am concentrating on my goal on this earth...a friend once told me to avoid bucket people (people who bring you down)...she was right, lessoned learned

In my life I have covered a lot of ground. I have observed such a thing by looking back on pictures throughout the past couple of years...I have observed who I used to be and who I am now...I am changing...I am growing...I feel like I'm changing into something I never wanted to be...there is good and bad, I feel bad...when will I learn? when will I change for the better?...if only I could get it together...if only I could organize myself...if only I could be what I wanted to be in the first place...if only I could, then I would...change the world like I knew I would do with what I had to offer...is what I had to offer gone? is what I had inside dead...am I dead inside?...will I ever get a seed in me again and let it grow into something beautiful for the world to see...something I thought I had growing for years...will I ever come back again full circle...will I ever make a difference...I used to have a purpose...all that remains is me...I guess that's all I ever was, just me.

Have been so uninterested for a while, in part due to my lack of belief that the weather has nothing to do with mood. I used to think that, maybe still do, but the point is, I'm ready for summer! Speaking of which, last summer was so amazing. The other day I came to a point where I just began to dwell on last summer. I began to get excited again about this summer. Wow, went twice to Florida, went to Lollapalooza in Chicago, went to virginia beach, and a beach in south carolina. Sounds expensive, but it was fairly cheap, considering the fact I didn't go alone. My days are starting to become pointless again, but the sun is out today and I am back to feeling my ambition. The cool thing is that for the next few days it will be like this. I'm sick of winter, well this winter. The worst one since '96. I'm wearing my Philmont scout ranch shirt, which was another past summer event that I want to do again, and it feels great being able to wear something other than a sweatshirt. Hopefully come summer time I wont miss winter!