I've been hit with realization that I do not know how to handle talking with people when it means the most.  I have always been this way about communication, going in and out of eye contact, looking around as if uninterested, even though I want so hard to lock into them.  This happened today and it was a little awkward because it was a cute girl.  I probably came off as an asshole, but what can I really do about it now.  Side note.  I've been doing nothing but working and waking up early/going to bed early...every day. I want to move away from here so badly, but know that if I did I would be coming back or hanging out somewhere I would not want to be, somewhere else.  Music is in me no doubt, as well as beautiful images. This is my play, my quality, my area of pursuit.  Not another way to make money.  I make money mowing lawns and I am happy with that.  When I hear someone tell me I might reconsider working on music because the music business is hard to get into, all I want to say is shut the fuck up, you know nothing about art or "dropping out" of society and forming your own collection of ideas.  This is of course being said in a very non-teen-angst kind of way.  I love who I am and am not willing to give myself up to something I love for money.  and to conclude another post, I must say I am always cutting to the point and never making poetic posts anymore.  Guess I am using it all up in another area.