The theory of love is something I had always been interested in.  Falling in love was something I wanted and something I had always dreamed of having, but I never thought of love and hatred on the same level as one another.  After being in and out of relationships and such I started thinking about what all of it had meant in my life from beginning to present.  I wanted to explore the opposite of love, which is hatred.  I never “really” wanted to explore hatred but I seemed to have been driven to it so as an added bonus I wanted to focus on the sensation of hatred and how it is similar and different from love.  During my period of being “in love” I experienced extreme elation and increased perception of things around me.  After falling out of love, I never seemed to like that person anymore and took it extremely personal each time.  I thrived on that dislike until the grey turned black and I began to hate relationships.  I began experimenting with hatred as a form of elation and form of perception.  I began to like the dislike.  I liked hatred just as I had liked liking.  For me this wasn’t so miserable as one could imagine so, but in my tiny little mind I wondered if I could like again just as I had liked before I was tainted with love’s little secret of dishonesty.  I tested and tested, trying out new relationships every few months, failure after failure, disregarding the fact that I had really been screwed over.  I disregarded lightly only because I had received the blow before and knew a little more of how to handle the afterwards part of it all.  Fast-forward to now and I see myself as completely at a halt in my beliefs toward anything.  I neither hate nor love, which according to Dante is worse than one or the other.  I see myself detached from any particular sex now, which some consider bisexual, but really it’s more a form of asexual because I don’t feel much anymore for any type of relationship.  Where I am getting at is because I detached myself so much from my feelings to study what I was feeling, I became without feeling.  I became so sick of feeling great and feeling bad because the two seemed to just run back to back in a cycle from periods of falling in love and falling out of love.  I am slowly finding ways to love my surroundings again, but I must say the experience left me somewhat damaged inside.  With any theory, there will be a process of discovery and a process of finding our way back to where we started just as water does in the water cycle.  We are all like glaciers on top of a mountain slowly melting and forming rivers, trying to find the ocean, but until we get there, we must enjoy every moment and not searching for something beyond our capabilities.

The following quote is from Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

“I see by your eagerness and the wonder and hope which your eyes express, my friend, that you expect to be informed of the secret with which I am acquainted; that cannot be: listen patiently until the end of my story, and you will easily perceive why I am reserved upon that subject.  I will not lead you on, unguarded and ardent as I then was, to your destruction and infallible misery.  Learn from me, if not by my precepts, at least by my example, how dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, than he who aspires to become greater than nature will allow”

We search for something we want in this life, but until we realize we will not find until the end, we have to find ways of being happy and that includes focusing on the now and not focusing on our future wants.  We are unhappy as a nation because of our habits that we have always been taught.  For me that habit was relationships, which turned bad because of who I was.  Now I am attempting, the best I can, to reestablish a connection with nature and myself that I once used to have before I set out looking for the perfect girl.  It will find it’s way to me in time; I just have to get on my path first then while on my path I will spot someone who is going the same way.  Never meet anybody coming the other way.  That is my feeble attempt at explaining a theory of cycle.