Went to gas a bees nest today and as I approached the nest I felt that feeling for those bees when you get in trouble in elementary school and you are directed, no ordered, to the principles office immediately, no time to think, no time to say sorry, no time to correct. I poured the gas in and heard the burp of liquid filling the hole, destroying these busy little, yet powerful creatures. Usually the problem is coming to me, but this time, I came to the problem.

I'm sitting on my side porch feeling a little better about life again. For a while there I was starting to scare myself. I looked in the mirror too long and forgot about the beauty that lies outside. Outside of me, there is nothing, unless I am nothing, then there is everything. I am happy right now though with all that I have here with me. And that is you

I run through the wall

run through the hall

just to see it again

I always see it again

I just want you to be happy and I have no clue how much more I can do. Please feel better, I'm starting to drown again.

Day 47: I need away from this place of familiarity

just you and me leaving

leaving to a place of happiness

a place away

away from this place

just you and me

Went to Walmart at 12 in the morning covered in thoughts. Heavy mind thoughts I had as I was getting my hair gel and cliff bars. Searching through I found what I was looking for and went to pay. I paid and the lady asked if I had a penny, the cost was 9.01. I said nope, no penny. She turned to gather up all the change for me. I looked at her as she was scraping up 99 cents from the register and told her that I liked change anyways.

grr, must find a way to get there, but how I ask? I've been mowing forever and seem to see no other lucrative job available for me. I really want a piano and my own place, my own musical room to write. I need an ocean to walk down to every day. I need inspiration everywhere I look. I need a place I know I could be noticed. I need someone to hear what I have. I can do these things, if I knew you could go to.