A flower had grown 

grown inside from outside 

from outside I grew something inside

something inside me grew 

inside me grew something 

something from the outside

from the outside my inside grew cold

grew cold from the outside of you

the outside of you looks through

looks through to the inside of me

the inside of me comes 

comes from the inside of you

dark and cold my inside is you

inside you comes from the outside 

from the outside of you 

outside of you is everything

everything but you.

I have become everything but me.

from you.

or maybe just me.

from me

just me

I'm beginning to think my rose was all thorns

all thorns in the shape of a crown.

I can't tell if you see me
Like I see you
Like I like you
Like something
Something touching
My mind touching you
Like you don't realize
And hopefully I dont realize
Because it's all a guess
A guess is a guess
Until that guess
That little guess
Becomes your touch
Like that touch
That little touch
Becomes my touch to you
To you I might be nothing
But a touch untouched
And all that could have been
Oh what could be before the time
The time after a neglected touch.

I am funny.  Most people are miserable being alone, but I am happy.  It's when I get too close to someone, my misery begins.  I was once the type of person that could be manipulated and controlled, kind of like a machine.  I know now that I can control the machine without making up a bolt to the bigger machine I like to call corporate america.  Most people in this country are so fucked they don't even realize it.  That's for another rant though.  Anyways, I like being away from people, but when I need some good anger to draw from, then I start talking to people.

Sometimes I wish for something a little too unreachable.  Those wishes become something I talk about too much, whether in subtle, or quite obvious ways.  My wishes turn into investigation, and investigation sometimes gets written off as mere gossip.  I do not think too much about possible possibilities that could come from doing this.  It is dangerous, or risky (socially) I should say.  When we begin to want something, we talk about it, but for this kind of thing, only a fool would mention it.  Silence is sometimes best.

Theres a window I know

3:00 o'clock ticks the clock

the clock, my window

shines a bright stretch of beaming sunlight

across the wooden floor to my face.

Upon my face the day's star stares at me

blinding me in a room of dark.

my room of dark with a spot of bright light

light bright enough to blind.

I've become familiar with this friend of mine

this friend of mine in one square

letting me know there is relief under this red rock

this red rock ironically being cold and dark.

the world of cold and dark disappears under my red rock.

under my red rock, the sun shines through my window.

my window has become my oasis in the world of my desolation.

I've always been a pretty relaxed guy, not letting a whole lot bother me, but for the past few years, or year rather, everything has bothered me to the highest degree.  I know why this is so, but that doesn't help ease my angst towards certain groups of people and certain ideas.  I don't necessarily know if I'm being held back by this or being pushed forward by this angst.  Since having this angst, I feel encouraged to fix certain problems this country in particular has.  I feel like I could be a teacher, of the not-so-conventional kind, obviously.  On the other hand, I feel like trying to fix a problem like what this country has, is, in a way, a lost cause and would be like a bug smacking into a windshield, only to be wiped off.  I am not the smartest guy in the world and I know that, I have a lot to learn, still, but I also have a lot to teach that I have been taught, or rather taught myself, through finding information out on my own and developing myself without someone else developing it for me.  A mind cannot be manufactured in a school, a mind should not be manufactured.  A mind should be free to think freely.  Of course with free thought, comes heavy criticism, but that's the price you pay for anything done that isn't manufactured by something "popular".  Popular doesn't mean right and keep that in mind if you are reading this.  Mcdonalds is popular.  Get my point.

I took the machine
gripped the machine beneath the fists
I picked the machine up
slammed the machine down
down into the ground the machine lie
splattered in its own mechanical parts

the shiny parts disrupted from it's pieced together
human together-pieced shiny craft it once was
was once only once upon a time
a time that stopped the machine
was crafted by me
my destruction
only a split second between order and chaos
for the shiny machine had been destroyed
by my chaos.