All alone I am beginning to feel the winter touch again.  It's starting to touch me with distance but enough to let me know its there.  I almost feel like I have a place here with this lonely night.  I feel connected to the nothingness and feel so disconnected from meaningful.  I want so bad to tap into myself and pull out the real me that's telling me to keep going for it.  The real me would never do anything like this and the real me would never have stayed here for this long.  I am in the dark asking myself what the hell am I doing right now.  I am doing everything I never wanted to do.  I am an American.  I am a slave.  I am a liar.  I am not free.  I am not brave.  I am not feeling anything.  I am not alive.  Wake me up me.

trying so hard
to try so hard
to try to try and try hard enough
to gain enough strength to begin to try.

you know what I'm talking about
oh you bird with no wings.