I knew that feeling when its...
I knew that feeling when we...
I knew when something inside just...
I knew how often I...
I just couldn't get it out of me.

Suppression deepened
Deepened doubt breeding tension
Doubt consuming potential action

Political paranoia
Heightened state of fear
Distressed divide
We will fall
Better hide
Decide

A series of events
Psychological destination
Repeating programmed actions for desired results
Time for something new
A variation of the same things
Begin again
This series of events
Until
Consumed
With Chaos

A fire has been burning
Time is due

It's too late
We will fall.

You know that feeling when it's...
Wait you know that feeling when we...
You know when something inside just...
You know how often I...
I just can't get this out of me.

I am in it.  Something from nothing is what I'm getting, however it starts all over each rolling morning.  To think your on top of things and then you wake back up like it never happened.  That's my current dream I'm in called life.  It sucks your soul like one million surrounding feeding mosquitoes fresh from moist puddled air. You swat until you give in and watch the blood being extracted like a scam artist extracting money from your peeling eyes attached like a clingy girlfriend to the TV while you watch "America" determine who's got the talent, the talent to make you believe.  You believe, I believe, we all believe.  Just keep swimming.  Eventually you'll get to the other side and then when you're all out of breathe and climbing ashore you will be greeted by men in suits saying "right this way peasant".  Taking control seems easy until you jerk the wheel out of someone's hand and wreck both lives.  To take control is to be patient.  To know when to move.  To know when to give in.  To know when to let go.  To know when to ease your way into the drivers seat.  Some things require more balls than others, but most of the time it seems like the best thing to do is set yourself up for success and have ultimate control of your destination by observing, processing, and planning.  We are taught to get what we want when we want it, you know, "grab life by the balls".  That is good but grabbing life by the balls officially is step Z.  "A" through "Y" are observational circumstances, processing circumstances, and planning situations.  To even be able to sustain your new found control, those things have got to be present.  I want it bad, just like you, but keep in mind, this comes at a price.  Getting things quick and easy might seem daring, but to sustain yourself in a position of authority, building your character, like building a house has to come first.  You don't throw a house up and say finished.  You plan, you work, you learn, you fail, you learn, you fail, you fail more, you apply, you connect the dots, you get better, your work gets better, it all gets better.  Keep going, I promise you won't regret it.  Feelings come and go, and hard work, hard gritty work, stays.

A flower had grown 

grown inside from outside 

from outside I grew something inside

something inside me grew 

inside me grew something 

something from the outside

from the outside my inside grew cold

grew cold from the outside of you

the outside of you looks through

looks through to the inside of me

the inside of me comes 

comes from the inside of you

dark and cold my inside is you

inside you comes from the outside 

from the outside of you 

outside of you is everything

everything but you.

I have become everything but me.

from you.

or maybe just me.

from me

just me

I'm beginning to think my rose was all thorns

all thorns in the shape of a crown.

I can't tell if you see me
Like I see you
Like I like you
Like something
Something touching
My mind touching you
Like you don't realize
And hopefully I dont realize
Because it's all a guess
A guess is a guess
Until that guess
That little guess
Becomes your touch
Like that touch
That little touch
Becomes my touch to you
To you I might be nothing
But a touch untouched
And all that could have been
Oh what could be before the time
The time after a neglected touch.

I am funny.  Most people are miserable being alone, but I am happy.  It's when I get too close to someone, my misery begins.  I was once the type of person that could be manipulated and controlled, kind of like a machine.  I know now that I can control the machine without making up a bolt to the bigger machine I like to call corporate america.  Most people in this country are so fucked they don't even realize it.  That's for another rant though.  Anyways, I like being away from people, but when I need some good anger to draw from, then I start talking to people.

Sometimes I wish for something a little too unreachable.  Those wishes become something I talk about too much, whether in subtle, or quite obvious ways.  My wishes turn into investigation, and investigation sometimes gets written off as mere gossip.  I do not think too much about possible possibilities that could come from doing this.  It is dangerous, or risky (socially) I should say.  When we begin to want something, we talk about it, but for this kind of thing, only a fool would mention it.  Silence is sometimes best.